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Description of Services
Individuals and couples frequently come to counseling when they feel stuck in their own attempts to deal with relationship. When communication breaks down, people often become defensive and stop listening to each other. They may fight alot, without getting anywhere, become more frustrated and give up talking or having relationships altogether. They may have sexual difficulties, lack closeness or interest in sex or become involved with someone else. When difficulties arise, many think about giving up on relationships. At these times it helps to understand what is going on and how you might change the situation before deciding what to do. It may be that some important unconscious or unresolved issue has been building up over time and is coming to a head. Getting support and a deeper understanding from a neutral party can be particularly useful at these times. If you grew up in a family where there was alcohol, drugs, abuse, a persistent difficult relationship, the death of a family member, an overly close relationship with one parent, or having to take charge and take care of others in the family, you may need support to outgrow the patterns you learned in that situation. The different ways that men and women have learned to approach an intimate relationship may cause conflict. If you grew up in a family that did not discuss their differences in order to keep the peace, you may find it difficult to express your feelings and resolve differences in relationships now. Whether you grew up in a family that handled anger abusively or avoided it altogether, anger can be a difficult emotion to handle constructively. Learning to resolve conflict effectively is something that most of us have not seen and therefore something we must learn at some point later in our life. Therapy can help you to express your feelings, deal with difficult situations or reactions in relationship, understand yourself and others, deal with anger and resolve conflict. If you are having difficulties establishing and maintaining a lasting intimate relationship, counseling can be very helpful. In individual therapy, you will learn to understand what your feelings are trying to tell you, to deal with any issues that are coming up for you, to trust yourself in deciding what is best for you, and to risk opening up to a deeper involvement with another person. In couples therapy, it is my job to listen and help you to understand what both of you are feeling without taking sides. It is not my job to decide which of you is right or wrong, but rather to ask you both to think about your own contribution to the difficulty between you and what you might do to change your own behavior in order to help change your relationship. Sometimes, one partner wants to try counseling when the other does not. At these times it is often assumed that coming to counseling by oneself will not work. More often than not this is not the case. Coming to counseling to deal with your own side of the difficulty often opens the door for your partner to come later. An intimate relationship can be one of the most important experiences in life. Having a good relationship requires hard work, not to change yourself or others, but rather to understand, accept and allow a relationship to grow naturally. This requires that you grow in your ability to understand and appreciate your differences, and to allow yourself and others to be who they are. Intimacy can take you on a journey into the unknown mystery of life. Whether you are single or partnered there are many challenges along the way. Each situation offers an opportunity to learn something more about yourself and relationships. Difficulties along the way need not be failures but opportunities to grow. The situation that you are dealing with, even now, may be one of those opportunities. It is all too easy to let things build up to a point where someone decides not to deal with it anymore or to simply give up. At this point, partners often separate or become emotionally estranged from each other while continuing the relationship. A useful guideline to follow is to notice whether a difficulty develops into a pattern, that with your best efforts, you cannot resolve. When this begins to occur, it is best to get outside help before it becomes a more serious problem or someone gives up. I hope this information is helpful in deciding whether I can be of service to you. If you would like to make an appointment or would like more information, leave a message at 707-477-8456 and I will get back to you as soon as possible. |
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Malcolm R. Miller, PhD 865 Third St. Santa Rosa, CA 95404 707-477-8456 |
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